This is Present ! No illusions !

At 5 San Thome – where the past comes alive, by Sarat Kasyap.

I read this book yesterday and I just have one word for it – AMAZING. A psychological thriller that really makes you think that you reading the book was a hallucination or did you really read it?

Honestly the end got me confused and I am still struggling a little to clear my confusion but the whole book is such a marvelous piece. I have read books of Indian authors before and they all have one crap – a desperate IITian trying to make it big in his career. In his quest for his career, he falls in love and then the whole story shifts to his love life, lots of sex , booze , smokes and happy ending. CRAP!  They are the fucking reason why I believe in fairy tale love, ofcourse after bollywood films! 😀

But 5 san thome is different. I did not feel it was written by an Indian. A business trip undertaken by a lawyer  turns out to be her search for her true self.  After reading certain moments in the book , my body vibrated – because of concussion and sometimes fear. Sometimes my heart beats raced because on some pages there was revelation of an incident most unthought of.

But the most beautiful part – I realized what I feel is right .  About FAMILY!

You nut, ofcourse I have a loving family but ..! When I was a kid, totally zero in confidence my mom supported me but as I grew up I parted away from her. Frankly I was born that way! I would prefer being at my Nani’s house always or going to some security guard’s house but my own. That was when I was 6 . But as I grew up things changed, lack of confidence , shifting from Delhi to Faridabad , new people and unfriendly faces turned me to my mom who helped me in making friends, made me realize who I am and gave me learnings that throughout my life I couldn’t have learnt.

But as I grew up the relationship changed. My mother had to deal with issues like my maternal grandpa’s death which led her into depression. I was in 7th then and I knew it wasn’t the right time to share mt silly school stuff with her. The gap broadened and the right time never came. I grew up to be a girl always into her friends, I did not ignore my parents but my friends were as important as my family, perhaps maybe on a higher level only? After reading the book I realized that for people without families , they do survive with help of support groups, friends, colleagues or divine help – God, but they do not live. Loneliness and a sense of insecurity could be quite too often and they might keeping themselves in an illusion – that everything is great and they are happy. Writing this, I remember the girl from the movie Jaane tu ya Jaane na – Imran’s first girlfriend. What a dreadful case! 

No my case isn’t SOO bad. Infact IT IS NOT BAD OKAY? It’s just I feel that sometimes I run away from my family. Still to reason it out.  As I notice my friends I realize they have such a strong connection and bond with their family, unlike me! Maybe I am bad, lost and too much into everything but family or maybe I am just too close to them. The latter statement doesn’t seem to be true at all though . LOL.

Maybe I need time as I feel being away from them physically would might me just bring a lot closer to them!

When  a bad childhood and no family can turn Andre insanse (from AT 5 San thome) what would  it do to me? A girl who most of the time feels lonely and still prefers being alone?

Ahh! Maybe I am overthinking , maybe not.

Out of the guilt,anyway , today I sat with my mumma and chit chatted with her for quite some time. 😉 Yes, I am going to confess that!  IT FELT AWESOME!

So maybe all I need is to put in a little more family time into my schedule, after all 2 months and I will be gone. Friends may stay, friends may go. Misunderstandings, communication gaps and egos BUT its my family that would stay with me even after I do not belong to earth anymore.

Thanks Sarat Kasyap! 😉

– The Free Spirited Soul

 * looking for a picture? A perfect picture in process * 😀


  1. Thanks dear, thanks a ton! I accidentally bumped into your blog, and was touched to know how my book had affected you. Nice blog. You are welcome to join me on Facebook.

    • Thank you ! Yes your book left a huge impact on me . Both on a personal level and even as a reader! It was just amazing. However as I confessed in the post I am still confused about the end and equally curious. Would like to get it clarified by you! 🙂

      • Hi, This is a psychological novel written with the imagery of a dream. Like life, and like the human mind, the book is open-ended. And like what some of my reviewers had written, the ending fuses into the subjective experience of the reader… 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *